Saturday, May 5, 2012

Justice For Some

Last night I was educated on courtroom protocol. Not because I was in court (although it was my court date), but because I was curious to know what the hype was about. Why can't someone tell a Judge to pound sand? Why are you supposed to sit straight, not fidget, and dress conservatively? What does the courtroom actually look like?

I was curious because I had previously heard that an applicant appeared in court wearing stiletto heels and a mini skirt, and then draped herself across the seats with her legs splayed. NOT very ladylike. I wondered - out loud - if she had any sense of decency at all. Or if she was deliberately trying to show off her hoo-hah to the Justice.

This led me to wonder the following:

1. Are there tablecloths in court to hide that display and if not, are the tables one sided so the Justice can't see that?

2. Did someone watch "Basic Instinct" the night before and hope to go down in the books as the woman who showed her hoo-hah to the Justice?

These should not be concerns but they are, because there are serious flaws in the "Justice System" in Canada. There is not justice for all. There is justice for some, legal quagmires for the rest, and hoo-hah displays for the lucky.

I have so much fodder for my creative cannon that I fully intend on using -- this is, after all, what writers do. We write -- So I wanted to make sure that I clearly understood what it was like to walk into the courtroom, and what the atmosphere would be like. 

And so, armed with the mantra that writer's write, I have sat my butt in the chair and tackled the sequel to "Unclean". In doing this, I have finally started to see my current ordeal as a writer, and not as one of the "rest" in Canada's warped legal system. 


  1. Keeley,
    Courtrooms and the legal system aren't just another world, they're a parallel universe. Also, I'm sure in the UK that in the UK a 'hoo-ha' is a bit of a disturbance. The sort of thing that happens when teacher leaves the class for a second and the students come over all unruly.
    But apparently you (and the USA and Oz it would seem) have another meaning for it.
    In which case you might find the following article interesting:

    1. It would seem that we have multiple uses for the word, and I think we (in Canada) have also used it to describe a disturbance - although I could be mistaken and may have heard my brother use it in UK context (he's a British soldier)...

      I read the article, out loud to my roommate, and we both found it interesting (and hilarious - I laughed so hard at the line about cutting a hole in the sheet and listening to Justin Bieber.)

      My roomie works in the legal field (can't understand why) and I will agree with you, alternate universe.

      Thanks for stopping by ;)

  2. What is a hoo-ha? Do you mean vulva, the outside part of a woman's genitalia? I fail to see the problem with using the correct word - it's not rude, just correct. Don't insult women, or insult your readers by treating them like they're under 12 years old. If I'm 'adult' enough to be reading about courtrooms, I'm adult enough to read 'vulva' without giggling like a schoolboy. That alone would be enough to make me put a book down and move onto something else...

    1. @ Wondering - Yes, when I wrote "hoo-hah" I was referring to the vulva. I used the term without intending offense to women or to readers; I found "hoo-hah" fit better than the anatomically correct vulva, as I was attempting to make a joke at the expense of my country's legal system, and, at the time of writing, I was assuming that the applicant in question had been wearing panties. So I went with a foul and hated (and over used) bit of slang in an effort to cover the whole package deal.

      I appreciate you bringing the probability of offending someone to my attention. Again, this was never my intention.

    2. I found it hilarious..your post and the term 'Hoo-hah'! Thank you for allowing me the benefit of laughing my buttocks off today KSJ!

      Ps. I'm 30 years old and not 12 :) Keep them and your sarcastic humour alive and coming. LOVE IT!