Sunday, June 17, 2012

#SixSunday - Fall From Grace - Episode 6


Happy Father's Day!

This six is a little bit farther in then the last. Still the same characters (she's my favorite ;) Let me know what you think! (Missed episode 5? You can find it here.)
~

"You hurt her, Pretty Boy, and you better hope to gods that I am deployed somewhere so I can get it out of my system before coming back here to kick the shit out of you."

He winked, to do nothing besides goad her into rage. It flickered into her eyes and just as quickly it was gone.

"I don't want to hear from her in a month that you broke her heart while she's in that field. I'll break your neck," her voice was eerily calm. A chill rippled up his spine.

~

Thanks for stopping by and offering your feedback. You can check out the other six sentence Sunday offerings here.

Enjoy your Sunday!

KSJ

4 comments:

  1. I sure do like this commander, yes I do. Love that little flare of anger so quickly contained. He's a fool, and then he knows it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He sure does... At least.. He should... ;)

      Delete
  2. Overall, I really like your snippet. The only thing that gives me pause is the first sentence in the second paragraph. I like what you're trying to do with it, but right now the wording feels a little clunky. I like the chemistry you're creating between these characters. Great job!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Jess!

      I was thinking the same thing about it, when I took it out of the rest of the conversation. Gonna have to work on that. Thanks for the feedback :)

      Delete