Sunday, June 29, 2014

#8Sunday - Fall From Grace - Episode 15: Rest In Pieces



Hello there!

Welcome back to another 8 Sunday post from Weekend Writing Warriors -- taken again from my WIP "Fall From Grace". 

For those of you new to this, head on over to the wewriwa website to find the guidelines and the links to the wonderful writes participating this week. You never know, you may find your new favorite author. 

My 8 this week actually comes just on the heel's of last week's excerpt. To get you up to speed: the Captain just watched the helicopter carrying her friends to safety explode in midair, and she's leading her team to check for survivors. It's a long shot, but there's always hope.

~

"Captain?" Jude watched her, smearing dirt and ash on his face with his shirt sleeve.

She looked up at him. "Load these men onto stretchers and get them back to base."

"But --"

"Do it now," she refused to repeat the order.

His uttered 'yes ma'am' didn't even faze her, so focused was she on figuring out her next move.

She didn't register her men loading the pilots onto stretchers and hauling them away. The daylight faded and the air cooled before the medics found her; crouched beside the wreckage, her skin reddened from the sun, streaked with dirt and sweat.

~

And there we have it! Thoughts?

Next week Camp NaNo starts, and yesterday morning I *finally* finished all my rewrites on Fall From Grace, so I'll probably be taking a break and posting something from my Camp project. It's not a new project, but I'm hoping to have new excerpts to post ;)

Thanks for stopping by this weekend, your feedback is always appreciated!

Keeley  :)

7 comments:

  1. So...is she in shock? Seems like poor leadership if her men are all working to save people, her friends, and all she does it sit and stare at nothing. I'll have to go read the last snippet to see if it helps me understand her better.

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    1. Shock would be an adequate word, I suppose. The pilots they are loading onto stretchers are dead and there isn't enough left of her friends to load onto stretchers... o.O I had a dilly of a time getting this condensed into the targeted sentence count, and evidently didn't do the greatest job, lol.

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  2. Gritty, intense...visceral. Wonderful job of painting this scene. Keeley. Good 8. :-)

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  3. Your explanation to Millie helps - I was wondering if the heroine had gone into shock or what was going on here. I think you're capturing the gritty reality of a war situation very well though, great 8!

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  4. I wonder if she's seen something in the wreckage.

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  5. I didn't have any problem understanding her--solder or not, watching the helicopter explode and her friends and comrades die, any person would be in shock. Very raw and vivid images here, great snippet :)

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  6. Still, a trained soldier isn't supposed to let their emotions make them disregard the safety of others. But it would be way too bland to just have her turn away and march off, and readers could accuse her of being unfeeling if she did that. So I think you have a good compromise here.

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