Last week I posted for the first time in months. It was about Kaitlyn - the 13 year old girl I live with and why I have maintained internet silence.
To update on that end, she no longer has a bed at the residential psychiatric treatment center, so her mom and I are kind of girding our loins for the upcoming summer months ahead. I would say that things can't get much worse than they already have been, but for some reason I feel that that would be issuing a challenge to the gods. Or to Kaitlyn. And in either case I can hear the favourite line "challenge accepted".
On Friday I saw this photo on Facebook and anytime I start to feel overwhelmed I look at it. It serves as a reminder that I need to keep myself focused on the things that I can change, as I have spent so many months wearing myself down and stressing out over all the silly crap that I cannot. It's been strangely liberating, since my last post. I haven't been sick or spending entire days sleeping. I've been writing and moving forward with my life. We all have our days - and mine are far from perfect - but I've come to accept that it just is what it is. So we modify and adjust. We've stopped letting this kid be the entire center of our focus.
I think her mom would agree that, as exhausting as it is to keep up with the mood swings, we are on much more solid ground since receiving the BPD diagnosis. Neither one of us is breathing deeply yet, but it no longer feels like there's an elephant sitting on our chest restricting us.
The manuscript I've been working on for eight years is almost finished being written - properly, this time. I have been losing sleep over that, of course, but not over the silliness that teenage drama is. I have a deadline for initial completion - the end of the school year - so it can live with the Beta readers over the summer break and be edited in the fall. And I signed up for Camp NaNo in July so I could have that motivation and focus while I pen the words to the elusive "Book Two" that people have been waiting for since Unclean was released four years ago.
Once my computer finishes reconfiguring windows - again - this morning, I'll be signing up for WeWriWa so I can fully get back into the swing of things. I still have a lot of blog posts to catch up on, dating all the way back to November and my trip to Harper's Ferry, but I'm in a much more tranquil place right now, and I'm up for it.
Off to get ready for work. Have a great day, my lovelies.