Friday, June 3, 2016

Day 71

Today I struggled.

My sister has been given the opportunity to beta read a novel written by the illustrious Kim Mills over at sheisfierce.org and for some reason this seriously bothers me.

I'll rewind for a moment.

Good Friday I happened to be checking for ice build up on the walkway outside the restaurant I work at. Low and behold, I found the ice. And my head found the windowsill as it tried to stop my fall.

It started innocently enough, "head injury" the doctor at the emergency room said. "No work this weekend but go back Monday. Don't strain yourself. [Hahaha]"

Easter Sunday rolls around, and I'm back at the ER, being seen by the same doctor.  This time the ambulance took me, as my neurological deficiencies were concerning.

"Concussion," the doc tells me. "Post concussion syndrome. This is normal. It should be good as new in three to six months. Take the week off work."

Thanks, buddy.

Back to present day.  Still off work. Still struggling. MRI is booked for the end of August (because that really helps me right now).

And on to the beta reader sister.

For some reason, maybe the fact that I have struggled to read and write coherent paragraphs since March, it really burned my butt that my sister was beta reading for this fantastic woman.

At one point, she rather patronizingly asked if I was feeling left out.

Let me think.

Um. Yeah?

The manuscript I've been working on for nearly a decade is two clicks away on the computer. I can't touch it. It's waiting for me to finish revision round zillion, before it heads back to the editor for edits.

So yeah. I'm feeling "left out". And grossly inadequate. And stupid. And useless. And frustrated. And on and on it goes.

Finally I just napped on it, because I was starting to rage and wanted to smash things - apparently THAT always helps...

Today was not such a good day. Tomorrow might not be either. I am getting there, though. Getting to the point where I can write entire posts and maybe even have them making sense. Soon, I hope. I need to be writing. I'm not really me unless I am.

Thanks for listening.

<End rant>

~KSJ

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