Sunday, June 5, 2016

Day 73

I feel like the protagonist in my work in progress (Desolation). Always counting up the days from a trauma. Basically counting each day of the new life we have both been given, against our wills.

I had never looked at it quite like that until this moment when I began revising this post.

I have been gifted with a "new life". Perhaps it's time I began embracing it rather than squandering it like I did my old life. Starting things I never finished. Procrastinating because there would always be tomorrow. Until there was no longer a tomorrow. Yes, I'm alive. But not in the same way I was 73 days ago.

Last year, following an incident at work, I ended up in hospital with multiple organs failing to do what they were supposed to. Two surgeries later I sat in my lonely hospital room and wrote out a list of what I wanted to spend the year improving.

I've made many changes, BUT the one thing I've still struggled with is the whole procrastination piece. I tell myself I will finish something (usually writing/revising of some sort) and then I just put it off. Always tomorrow, I constantly told myself.

Until I've finally woken up and tomorrow isn't coming. Not the way it used to. Not the way it should be.

And now I want to write. I'd give anything to be able to revise Fallen - the manuscript that I've worked on for a decade - even though I wanted to burn it three short months ago.

Today I sewed a skirt for the sister. It's called "The One Hour Skirt". Sounded great in theory.  In practice? More like a twelve hour skirt, that used up 550m of thread because I needed to keep pulling the stitches out. Ugh.

I did it though. I saw it all the way to the end, even though I smoked a pack of cigarettes and threw a tiny tantrum between steps. She loves it. I am quite proud of it. And the day is over.

Tomorrow is a new day. It may or may not be as productive as today. But I will take it on, just as I have been doing, because I'm slowly discovering that as long as I wake up, no matter the pain in my face or my head, I am alive, and I have as whole new me to discover.

Thanks for reading :)

~KSJ

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